Member-only story
How is divorce rate so HIGH? Are we making things too difficult?

Been married for 23 years and there have been some extremely difficult times in our marriage for sure, more pain and discomfort than I would wish for anyone starting out, that’s for sure! But what’s crazy is that things could have been much smoother and joyful had we been willing to seek better ways of communication and to practice some things that work better than the “Standard” default. There are certainly some very consistent patterns inside marriages that are working and the ones that aren’t working and those patterns leave clues! Had we simply looked to seek outside council from someone experienced in successful marriages, we could have each learned some very important skills.
Was having dinner with my 21 year old daughter the other night and we were discussing relationships in general as she is currently in the dating world and has witnessed her parents completely disconnected, and also incredibly affectionate and connected and everything in between. And then reflecting on the things that we have learned over the years about what each other’s needs and wants are and how we have screwed up most things for sure but kept course correcting and learning (Still Learning!!). Looking back, the most difficulty happens when you are experiencing the same challenges over and over again like a record that has been stuck, and then you begin…