The Chaos of Raising Children…Hang On!
So who really knows how to be a father until you start having children?? Certainly not ME… And let’s be honest, raising kids back in the 70’s and 80’s when our parents raised us was a LOT different than doing it NOW, so we have all of these changing dynamics and we are so used to getting answers from GOOGLE, so why can’t GOOGLE just let us know what to say and when, or how much quality time is enough but not too much? What exactly should we buy them and when should we say NO even if we can?
I’m a 44 year old father of 3 who runs a real estate portfolio and raising 3 wonderful children 17 yr old Boy, 15 yr old Girl, and another 12 yr old boy. What is wild is thinking back on our first child who taught us so much about life and raising children that it’s no surprise birth order has a huge impact on personalities as we enter adulthood. But as any parent knows, they are all unique fingerprints of human perfection and react so differently to us that there is no possible way for a “1 size fits all recipe”. As a father I do my best to lead by example and this has been my “Method” good or bad… I try and push myself to get uncomfortable and I’ve historically been very hard on myself so this has translated to me being pretty tough on the kiddos as well creating the world I live in today. Luckily for me I married the absolute most engaged and present mother I can think of and she makes them lunches and drives them to school and listens to them and loves them and on and on and on…..just an incredible women.
This is where the CHAOS discussion comes in to play… we both want our children to be well grounded, appreciative, hard working, dream chasers! But how do we work together as a couple to compromise and share ideas that work for OUR family and listen to our HEARTS to protect them from all the poison that surrounds us in today’s world? Parents fighting with coaches because their child didn’t get enough playing time on the sports team, Parents arguing with teachers because little Johnny didn’t get the right grades, taking kids from school to Starbucks to practice with just enough time to woof some food down for supper as they demand that the parent speed up!…. For our kids NOT to be subjected to this poison what do we do? Build a log cabin in the woods and live off the land?? I guess that’s one option….we are shopping for land currently :)
What about the lovely cell phones and snap chat??? There is seldom a span of 5 minutes where our teenagers are not looking at their phones and responding to snap chat or taking selfies and posting on Instagram or their backup “Fake” instagram or Finsta account… What is going on? Talk about triggers for me as a father… I literally want to grab the phones and smash them and cancel all the accounts daily, but pretty sure that would isolate me even further from my family. So what do we do Phil…. I mean you wrote the article didn’t you? Yes I did but I would never be arrogant enough to think that I know how to navigate these waters, but what I will say is that by sharing these concerns I’m hoping that more people will be honest and talk more before we lose an entire generation of youth to fictional world of Ferrari’s and YouTube Stars with no integrity or loyalty or TRUTH! And I’m not saying this will be the result, I don’t predict the future but there is certainly early signs of data that would support higher rates of depression, anxiety, lower abilities to focus and living longer with their parents…..on the flip side they are higher educated! They have a vision of perfectionism that is based on fiction and media bias having this affect as they enter into adulthood.
But this is the challenge… Our kids and families are losing a sense of foundation and solid ground. What happened to family dinners? Even if we push to have family dinner, at least one of the 3 children has to be dropped off or picked up at an event? And what happened to some level of figuring shit out on our own so we can grow… these kids are so busy that they have no more time for FUN and play. It’s heartbreaking when your child comes home in tears because they are having a hard time keeping up with all the activities and schoolwork….
Here is my only recommendation as a father… DON’T QUIT! If a current tactic or strategy is not working, than do a course correction and try another technique and keep experimenting because we are living in a new world but most importantly, let them know daily that you LOVE them unconditionally and that you are here for them. They are incredible gifts that we have in our lives for such a short period of time.
Love to hear the comments!
