The Past does Not need to Predict the Future!
Looking back now at my life being raised by 2 working parents, a nurse and an engineer that both came from extremely modest upbringings, it was very early on that I began to adopt beliefs about money, my capabilities, my relationships, my perceived strengths, my perceived weaknesses….. and those beliefs tend to hide out in our subconscious and manifest themselves in our own lives over time. I’m sure you’ve heard some of the common money ones….but here are a few
“Rich people are greedy” “More Money…More Problems” “We Can’t afford That” “That’s too expensive” “I don’t have the secret sauce to make money” “Money is scarce so you better hold onto it” “People with money are out of my league”
Well growing up we certainly had to work hard to be able to earn the things that we wanted that were outside of the necessities. Don’t get me wrong, we had everything we needed for sure, there just wasn’t much EXTRA to go around if you catch my drift. It was also my belief that a “GOOD” father was one that provided for his family….end of story. You would work HARD everyday for a GOOD company and put your head down and be grateful….
And left hidden away and unexplored, these beliefs and so many other belief systems will build a box around your reality that begins to limit our ideas of what is possible. So in my world this manifested itself by me getting an engineering degree so that I could get a Good, Secure job???? This to me was shooting for the stars, in fact it was the MOON since being an electrician was my first aggressive target!, and so this is what I did, I got a sales job inside of a company and worked for over 15 years for this company, starting at like $40,000/year and then finishing up at something I only dreamed of early in life at around $150,000/year.
The challenge over this time period is that I had an identity that I attached myself to, that this was what I deserved and so the universe gave me what I asked for and nothing more. Well this was also something that came true with my wife and children, the most precious gifts of all. I spent countless nights away from my family climbing the corporate ladder, never really honoring and truly appreciating all the hard work that my wife had been doing while I’m away working, because I was the one “sacrificing” for my family and how can they not appreciate what I’m doing?(Another belief that I had around what being a “Good” dad is) This is when resentment begins to creep into the marriage. Wondering why I’m coming home and feeling so angry and so triggered, like I’m a stranger inside of another families home…a ghost. Well I can only imagine now, how alone and unappreciated my wife must have felt??
Well over time the arguing was more frequent and the emotional and physical connections began to fade until we both cried in the driveway feeling so disconnected and resentful towards each other as neither of us had any answers. In 2017 my wife and I both lost a parent and the pain became deeper and darker, and because of the distance we had already created between each other, there was a box that we created and there was no room for vulnerability in this box…. what felt like a blink of an eye, and divorce was actually a possibility??? What??? The woman of my dreams? 3 beautiful children? “It can’t be true!, why can’t she change!….I’m sure I would be suitable for another women just the way I am…. This is the biggest lie I told myself and I’m so grateful that I’m a fighter and she is loyal! Without these traits, not sure I would have done the work necessary to question these belief systems, and not sure she would have stuck around to find out….the turnaround may have been too little too late, but I wasn’t done yet…..
So this was not going to happen without a fight, a fight to learn new tools, a fight to figure shit out, a fight to look inward and take responsibility! And yes it was a fight! So $120,000 of masterminds, training, travel, books, courses and here we are 4 years later and my world couldn’t look any different. It was an inside job, working to slay the internal limiting beliefs not only about money but about relationships and about the acceptance, grace, forgiveness and love for myself that had not been present. The outside appeared lovely but inside I was a fireball ready to explode. My soul wanted to leave the corporate environment years ago but the comfort of the paycheck kept me hanging on, so I traded pieces of my soul daily for a paycheck…..I hid behind feelings of insecurity from childhood trauma by proving that I could be successful in my career and yet even with this “success” I was unhappy. Shit needed to change and time was not on my side….
On the money side, I knew that I didn’t want to be trapped inside a corporation forever and that I desired wealth, independence, wanted control over ME and my time….so I worked hard to read and understand real estate investing over the years and then began to take action and purchased a 4-unit building, then another 4-unit, then another and another and another until 2017 when we had over 45 units. Over this time period, the more action I took, the more I learned and then the more confidence I had to take more action! Come to find out, this is the magic recipe! Learn, then take action, Learn, take more action and so on and so on….. oh and don’t quit when shit gets tough! It WILL get tough! So in 2017 I had an opportunity to purchase a 31 Unit apartment building which reminds me of my favorite quote “Luck is when preparation crosses paths with opportunity” I had prepared for 10 years for this moment! So once this was under contract, I told the president of the company I worked for that I was done…..at the time it came across as a shock to him since I had been with the firm for 15 years.
Now it was time to address the family challenges so I worked hard to understand myself, to understand what being a better husband looks like, what being a better father looks like? And I began to take action, learn more about myself and my patterns, adjust and take more action, learn some more, take some more action. Are you seeing a pattern here?? This was done on purpose but yet by accident if that makes sense? I wanted to have better results in my life in all areas and so I would learn from others who had these results and then I would begin to do the things, get uncomfortable, spend uncomfortable amounts of money to learn from these people… and then I would have to take action and do the things that I learned…voila…. new results! Better marriage, better finances! So I keep doing what works!
So as I look back, $120,000 is the best investment I’ve ever made as my family is still together and closer than ever! I’d spend everything I have if this was the outcome or even the possibility of it. Keep learning and taking action! If you are a MAN finding yourself STUCK or on the verge of losing YOUR family, and want to chat more about the systems and processes we utilize to take Men from the brink of divorce to a Man on FIRE with his wife and kids, and himself, all while becoming financially independent. Link Below!
